All photos Brent Fuqua

More Information:
Domestic Abuse Project
204 West Franklin Avenue
Minneapolis, MN 55404
phone: 612-874-7063
email: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
web: www.mndap.org

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I AM JOY.

Until I found the Domestic Abuse Project, I believed that happiness and hope were for other people...not for me.

My story begins with what I witnessed as a child.  My father’s “loving words” to my mother were “whore” and “stinking bitch”.  When that wasn’t enough, he would beat her, sometimes giving her a black eye or a busted lip or nose. Once he broke her leg and she was already a paraplegic from a car accident years before! He constantly told us how lucky we were that he didn’t throw us out with the rest of the garbage.

So I guess it’s not a big surprise that when I grew up and started my own relationships I thought that this was just the way boyfriends treated girlfriends, and husbands treated wives.  I was with a man who was good to me in the beginning but eventually became very abusive. By the time my daughter was born I had been punched in the face, had multiple ribs broken and had been hit so hard in the head that I have permanent hearing loss in one ear.  On trips to the Emergency Room I lied to people who were concerned, who wanted to help.  But they knew – they saw through my lies, but there was nothing they could do without my cooperation, and I was too afraid.

So how did I get to DAP?  I went to see an advocate named Cindy who had called me to introduce herself the first time I had called the police.  Cindy held my hand.  And Cindy listened.  When I found myself apologizing she reminded me that I didn’t deserve the abuse and that I was not to blame.  Cindy helped me to get an Order For Protection which prohibited my husband from seeing me.  But I have to be honest with you, I just really wanted this relationship to work.  So I’m embarrassed to say that I had the Order amended which gave us another opportunity to make our relationship better and he promised me we would work together to make that happen.  That lasted 6 weeks.  When the “honeymoon” was over things got really scary.  I was sure that he would make good on his promise to kill me and my body would never be found. 

 So I had to try again, try to get another Order For Protection.  And the one thing that Cindy had told me that rang louder in my head than anything else, was if I ever needed to I could come back.  And I did.  Cindy never judged me.  She wasn’t even disappointed in me.  Cindy just held my hand and listened, again.  And she helped me to get another Order For Protection.  This time the Order has stuck. 

I no longer believe that hope and happiness are only for others.  With DAP’s help, I have changed my life.  And the change is so big, so complete, that I had to change my name so that it would fit my new life. 

I used to be Patricia.  But now, I am Joy.